I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
