so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize