Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
