At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
