I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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