Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
