Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
