For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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