i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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