Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i think im in europe. pls send help
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
