I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
