I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
