I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
