So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
