I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
