The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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