I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
PANTIES FOUND
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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