Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
