im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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