just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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