I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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