I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
