dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
