im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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