A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
as a side note pls kill me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
