Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
