Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
