Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
