i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
