yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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