I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize