But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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