AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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