She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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