final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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