I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't deserve a penis
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
