Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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