at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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