WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
