theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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