Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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