I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
