Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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