And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
