At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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