it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize