I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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