we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
