Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
