She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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