Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
