HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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