I CAN MOONWALK!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
