I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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