you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
