My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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