my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
