he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
