boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is wine microwaveable?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
