If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
