Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
