oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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