I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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