Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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