then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
