I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize