does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
