omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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