Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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