so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
