Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
