Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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