I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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