its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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