my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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