so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
