i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
