i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
