im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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